Balancing fatherhood and writing

AuthorAppleton on January 4, 2016

It is not always easy for me to admit the areas of the writing life that I find difficult. But one such area is a direct result of being the father of four wonderful yet energetic kids. These little ones are precious to me and they are a heavy responsibility. God has entrusted them to my care, leaving me without excuse to be with them through the good times and the bad. But though juggling fatherhood and writing is not easy, its blessings outweigh its challenges.

My dad worked two to three jobs throughout my growing up years. He worked hard and even though I could tell that he was often worn out, he still kept his arms open and the spirit of a child in his heart. He loved his children (he still does). Nothing seemed to be more important to him than our dreams, our education and our Christian upbringing. In the midst of all his work I always saw that struggle between his love for his family and his hearty work ethic.

Today, I attribute much of my balance of family and work to my father’s legacy. There is no greater gift that a father can give than to set an example for his children to follow of a hard-working attitude.

Before I was married I filled my “free” time with writing. Soon my wife and I had our first child. He has been a great blessing, but I must admit that being a writer in conjunction with children, especially when they are restless or sick, limits my creative time a lot more than I realized it would. One of my youngest has been restless the last few nights, so my routine has been practically non-existent. I work my day job, get home some time in the evening, then tuck the kids in bed after watching an old show with them. Normally I like to work on writing after everyone is in bed, but sick kids and restless kids change that.

Remarkably I think I am getting better at juggling the two. After all, the challenge is making the time and continually reminding yourself that you are doing this to provide for your family.

So for now I accept this stage of life as a means of maturing as a man, learning more about humanity, developing greater patience, and in all of these things I find that I continue to improve as a writer. The key is to write in the moments, being willing to sacrifice sleep where needed in order to get the writing done. And that is certainly the greatest challenge: getting the writing done. It is easy to put it off instead of sitting down and pouring out the writer’s soul.

Through this more challenging period of life we writers can grow into better storytellers. The children only add to our growth and our imagination. I find that my children are growing quickly their imaginations. And their creativity is feeding me with fresh writing material every day.

Q: Do you know writers who are young parents, or are you one yourself?

The interrupted writer

AuthorAppleton on November 2, 2015

A writer is an artist and as such when we are writing our creative process is subject to the same rules as any other artist. We can be interrupted, discouraged, and our creativity can be drained. Writing takes patience and time. If you’re a writer who has been interrupted, or if you are someone with a writer in your family… you need to read this.

Many times I have found that people who are close to me have the greatest difficulty in giving me that space to be creative. When I am sitting in front of my computer or a notebook for an hour or two and I have written nothing, I can understand why they approach me. I’m sure from their perspective it looks like I am either bored or being lazy. But the opposite is true.

These times of quiet are necessary to producing a great piece of writing. It is not dissimilar to a painter staring at the blank canvas, staring for hours, contemplating, envisioning what they can create. A writer needs that time just as much as the painter does.

Requests by family members to help with a chore or run an errand may seem insignificant, but they are not. The creativity that was flowing for that last hour, once interrupted, is difficult to recover. Portions of story that I was piecing together, conflicts of emotion that I was envisioning for my characters, all of that is put in jeopardy when I am interrupted.

To the observer the writer is a fragile, unpredictable creature. Once interrupted they might turn in anger, or they might respond sweetly to you. They might even seem to display profound sadness.

These reactions are true of me. When writing I am unpredictable. I am best left alone. The creative process drowns me in a universe of emotions that are unfulfilled and until the creative process has finished I am in the same emotional state that I am dwelling my mind upon.

When you interrupt the writer you do not know if you are speaking to the hero, the heroine, the weak, the strong, or even the villain. The writer is all of these things as they write. They become all things for their story so that their art is perfected.

Q: Are you the interrupted writer or the interrupting family member? How true is this for you?

Chess, my Grandpa, and Creative Thinking

AuthorAppleton on June 22, 2015

“Do you want to play white, or do you want to be black?” My grandfather worked as a draftsman designing submarines. He has a keen understanding of math and strategy. When I was growing up he used to play chess with me all the time… and he would win usually within five moves.

One night (I think it was after one of our small family birthday parties) my grandfather had beat me best out of three games again. He has this great laugh that just made me smile when I lost and left me confounded as to how he always beat me. Being the reader I was I had started reading a biography on a famous chess master. It was a long time ago but I think the chess master was Bobby Fischer, and he had drawn a chess board on his ceiling. He would lie awake at night, strategizing how to improve his game.

That night as I lay awake in bed I could not get out of my mind how easily my grandfather had won those chess games, so I visualized a chess board on my ceiling. The mind is a powerful thing. If creatively utilized in quiet moments it can generate solutions to problems standard problem solving might miss. By visualizing the potential chess strategies and guessing at my grandfather’s counter moves I was able to figure out how he repeatedly won against me.

The next time I played chess… I won! We ended up having so many fun, competitive matches. Some of my best memories. My grandfather picked up a used trophy of a golden horse. Each time we played a chess game the trophy was at stake. We jotted down our matches in a little notebook, each time letting the winner take the trophy home.

Chess, my Grandpa, and creative thinking are all linked in my mind. Chess forced me to be creative. Chess forced me to contemplate the potential outcomes of each move before I made it.

Today I approach writing in much the same way. I sit back and contemplate scenarios, character development, and moral implications. It is important to think strategically. Often we desire to rush a creation when, instead, all that is needed is thoughtful strategy. Maybe instead of immediately attacking with the queen, we move out our knight and bishop to set up the field.

Question: How does strategy play into your creative thinking?